posted on December 15, 2000 07:14:37 PM new
Life is crazy. Kids are on your nerves BIG time. The stress of the Holidays and working and working then cleaning and begging yelling and bribing your kids to turn off lights and pick up the clothes and quit leaving all the craft stuff laying around everywhere (thanks ricketylin) We love all that craft stuff and its still going strong into the next year
So when your nerves are stretched tighter than a coil spring and you think you might bounce on out of the universe..........
The kids Father shows up and takes them away for a few days.,
posted on December 15, 2000 07:33:34 PM new
Take advantage of the eye of the storm to rest and recuperate. They'll be back and the whirlwind of activity will begin anew.
posted on December 15, 2000 07:38:26 PM new
Ya know its funny how it ALWAYS works out s-kitty. Wednsday Thursday we are iced in and no school. Have to miss work Wednsday and then Thursday I find a sitter I have to pay of course.
Friday school is back on and that is when he shows up.
posted on December 15, 2000 07:43:14 PM new
Yeah, it's like when you've had a bad day; the kids are driving you crazy and you feel like all you do is yell.
Then bedtime finally comes! You go in to check on the kids and they are so beautiful asleep: all rosy cheeked and angelic looking. You wonder how you could have ever found something to yell at them about and you start to feel guilty.
posted on December 15, 2000 08:49:51 PM new
It's a tough time of year. My 7 year old has literally been bouncing off the walls all week. My 15 year old is okay, but then he's waaay to cool to be excited about Christmas. As of today, they are on Christmas break, so I know the next week is not going to be a picnic. My daughter has been singing Christmas songs she learned in chorus, and I swear if I hear "Winter Wonderland" one more time I'm going to go bonkers. It used to be one of my favorites too.
posted on December 15, 2000 09:12:29 PM new
add to that...my sons both have birthdays coming up...one on the 18th and the other on the 20th. They are both so excited they can't stand it.
But they really aren't bugging me, I guess it's because they're older and their 'bugging' seems more like play to me now. They're just as crazy as ever, but it makes me happy to see that they still get annoying at this time of year.
My younger one went to bed early tonight to get another day out of the way (he says).
posted on December 15, 2000 10:31:22 PM newBusybiddy: I got a card once that showed parents looking upon two angelically sleeping children and the mother saying to the father, "Don't you wish you could think of them as sleeping instead of recharging?"
My kittens didn't sleep. They recharged.
Kel: Y'never know...he may have timed it that way...
posted on December 15, 2000 10:44:47 PM new
One of the reasons we moved to Alabama was to be closer to his young teen daughter. The ex-wife has made it her mission in life to convince the daughter that any love for dad or any of dad's family (like grandma) is almost traiterous. Everything that has gone wrong for mom in the last 10 years, is dads fault. And the fact that dad is happy is too horrible to even contemplate. Over the 10 years, because we were out of state, visitation was limited to pretty much whatever part of the summer mom allowed. She did all she could to sabotage it. Why bring all that up? After we moved in state, mom stepped up the campaign, and daughter hasn't visited in 2 years. Never writes, seldom calls, never there when dad calls. She finally agreed to come and see us ( and go with us to see the rest of the family) over one week or so at Christmas.
We made reservations to spend the night where she lives and my 10 year old who worships the big sister she never sees or hears from, was delighted.
Then mom calls. How sad the family is to miss her at Christmas yada yada. They see her all the time, but we are to believe that this is an unbearable hardship. We think that this is just the prelude to the usual wake they hold whenever dad has come before to pick her up. Honest to God, the whole family, Aunts, Uncles, all to see her off to prison camp.
Anyway. No. This is a new one. Daughter calls at 2 days before pick-up and calls it off. Says that her family is too important to her. They would all miss her too much.
Upshot is, she doesn't love dad, doesn't want to see him any more.
I break the news to my daughter. She is devastated and doesn't believe it. So I let her call. Her big sister tells her how mean dad is, doesn't understand her and how depressed her mom is blah blah blah.
I haven't seen my son in two years, nor have I met the woman he married although my ex-husband says she is very nice. I can't even get a picture.
I'm putting up a front for my daughter, because Christmas is for kids, but for the first time in my whole life, I didn't decorate my house, except for the tree. And I'm the one who's house can usually be used as a landmark for UFO's, it's so bright. I got sick, and I haven't hardly purchased any gifts, and I'm always done by now. I'm tired and angry and depressed, and I'm spilling my guts in an anonymous chatboard.
How pathetic is that?
posted on December 16, 2000 04:14:54 AM new
Kitsch,
You mean normal things.:lol
My children are grown and have children and I still go through the things you mention.
I find it amazing that at their house they turn off lights while here I go around turning them out for them. The more things change the more they stay the same.
We did have one period of time at our house when the kids wouldn't turn off the lights. The first thing I would do when they left for school was to go around and turn off the lights in every room.
I got so mad one time I told them it would then cost them $.25 cents each time I had to turn off a light. and if they didn't have the money they then got to work it off at something I chose and they were certain to hate. They laughed and replied that .25 cents was no big deal. It took approx a month and one tally of $7.00, $4.50 and I have forgotten the other one. All of a sudden I would find my self reaching for a switch only to find a little hand fly under mine to flip that switch. I may have to do that again.
Victoria,
That is sad. I wish adults would quit using children for paybacks?
posted on December 16, 2000 07:08:32 AM new
Put yourself in the daughter's shoes. You probably can not imaigine the 24 hr moaning and bitching about her leaving to go into the camp of the enemy. She does have to live there and she would have to go back. I can see her facing another 3 months of having to renounce any possible fun or positive thing she allowed to escape her lips. When she is on her own in a couple years then you will know if she is surviving or if she has really bought into all this. It may be the hate campaign will back fire and when she is on her own she will not want to go back to that hate filled house.
posted on December 16, 2000 09:22:52 AM new
gravid,
What you said may very well be true but it doesn't keep from leaving a big hole in a parents heart and that is sad for all of them.
I just wish sometimes that adults could see what is really going on inside a child that is being told that one or the other parent is no good and does not love them.
I am not one to go around screaming child abuse at the drop of a hat but this surely is the case.
posted on December 16, 2000 11:31:11 AM new
Victoria,
Boy can I relate! My husband's ex made it her mission to turn his girls against him. "See, this PROVES you Dad doesn't love you," etc. Visits were permitted only when Mom felt like allowing them and always lots of excuses and last-second cancellations. Talk about a house filled with HATE! Well, it finally back-fired. The youngest girl decided to come live with Dad about a year and a half ago, at age 13. The older girl, now 17 practically disowned Dad after that. She refused to talk to him half of the time and only called to tell him off the other half of the time. Mom and older sister refused to have any contact with the 13 year old traitor. Anyway, right before Thanksgiving this year, Mom called to announce she would not allow the 17 year old to come visit, as scheduled. Well guess what? The older girl hopped on the bus, Gus, without permission from Mom and has announced that she never wants to return to that HATE filled house. She said that her Mom isn't a very nice person. She's been here for nearly a month now and sees how REAL families are SUPPOSED to work and likes it much better. She has always been especially close to her Mother and says she doesn't miss her at all. Of course we tell her when her mother calls and let her return her Mother's phone calls (and don't even make her call collect -unlike Mom).
posted on December 16, 2000 05:49:13 PM new
I'm so sorry for my husband. This last "don't call us, we'll call you" was really hard for him. I don't think daughter is going to have a revelation or epiphany. She has a whole group of people telling her how right she is. I think it's over, and mom won her one-sided battle. My daughter has just now figured out the older sister is never coming, and she cried and begged her sister to visit. Didn't change a thing.
My husband is not the mean-spirited person I am, so I doubt if he looks forward to the end of child support the same way as I do.
I look forward to it because I know mom will go bankrupt without it. She has never learned to save or budget herself. And if they think they're coming back at age 18 to kiss and make up and get tuition, well, let's just say I won't let that happen.
posted on December 16, 2000 07:35:35 PM new
No matter what happened in the past, even the very recent past. There is no way on this earth beyond him abusing the girls, that I would play any games to keep the kids from him.
I must say tho that I have always included the words "even if it is your Dad or Grandpa or Aunt" in any self protection speeches I've ever given them.
Anyway, when he wants to see the kids he does, if he needs a different holiday than is specified on the paperwork, we discuss it. With his job this is a necesarry give and take.
He just got layed off a contracting job (as always around Christmas) I remember selling my best pieces two years in a row to pay all bills around Christmas. What it is, is that airlines don't want to have planes in for maintnance during this the busiest traveling season.
So anyway at least two weeks without child support BUT, a month ago I asked for extra and he gave it.
It will be give and take always just like parents who are still married, we have to do what we can for the kids.
I HATE that no child support comes now, I mean I JUST got a job! ack!!!!!!!! Still tho, no sense in trying to punish for that.
My advice would be to let the Dad or Mom be in the kids life all that is possible.
posted on December 16, 2000 09:31:39 PM new
My step-son's mother was the worse. She always called after visits and told my SO that the boy (do not want to use names) hated me. One visit, the boy, who actually would always find me during visits to talk - told me he loved me. Well when the witch called the next time my SO told her what he said and that he could not possibly hate me - her reply -Of course he said that - I taught him to be polite!!!
You will never win. What you hold on to is that children will learn from other real families, school etc. the way people are supposed to be and when they grow up they will figure it all out.
People bring themselves down - what goes around comes around. The sad part is the kids are the ones to lose out.
It isn't always enemy camp - my boss happens to be my olders son's ex-stepmother. His father re-married after me and I wanted to get to know her as she would be around my son. We became friends - she ended up divorcing him and I now work for her.
Anyway, keep your head up - get in the spirit even if you are pretending b/cuz you still have a daughter at home that needs you and xmas. If you are all gloomy she will catch on (or not snap out of hers) and the ex mother will win. They always pull the fast ones on holidays etc because they want your house to be as miserable as theirs.
We had many times my SO's ex refused on xmas to allow visitation. In California the cops will not enforce a civil order so you have no recourse except to continually log and go back to court. She plays the femme fatale and the judge warns her like a slap on the hand. A complete waste of time. We would have a bad few hours and then enjoy so the rest of the family didn't get bummed. She now doesn't allow visitation at all and my SO gets depressed every month as they were very close and he doesn't have the money to fight her.
Adults can be so incredibly selfish - hurting the children they claim to love just to get back at their ex's - amazing.
Anyway - I came in because of the kid's on your nerves and started rambling. Here is one for you - we started potty training our 2.5 year old. He comes running to me tonight - mommy I go poo poo - I look and see that the diaper (was bed time so had diaper on) was off. He takes me like a big prize to the bathroom where he shows me his poo poo in several nasty piles on the bathroom floor. He is proud he took his diaper off and went - just hasn't got the clue IN THE TOILET!!! Yes, when they are sleeping you wonder how you could have ever been mad at them
