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This is a first for me...but then again, my chart indicated that this year would include breaking of taboos. Just one of the many things
that have turned out to be truth. Hello VM...guess who? I told you I would post and I have hesitated only because I have been so awed
by the events of the last two years (ones which, of course you prepared me for)that I wanted to be sure I could clear my head and
speak from my heart.
I am the mother of the aforementioned "punk-ass, insufferable...did I forget any other colorful metaphor...son who is now much in
improved and quite a joy to me. She was actually being kind in her description of him, as he was dangerous. VM had him pegged by
first looking at his photo. I remember the exact words she said..."oh my God, look at that smile. He's like Ronald Regan! Full of Sag
rising!" Which meant little to me at that time because I was up to my ass in alligators with this kid. We began talking and she told me
she would like to do his chart. I agreed. Somewhat out of morbid curiousity and somewhat out of a need to maintain my own sanity.
I saw her 8 weeks later. Once again, I remember her words exactly. "He's going to be o.k. BUT, you are in for the ride of your life." This
was in August or September of 1998. She told me that it would continue and be hellish until Dec. '99 - Jan 2000. She also told me that
this kid would land on his feet and be a complete success.
She told me the months that things would happen. It was unbelievably accurate. She told me February and March of "99 would be
particulary ugly. He was in a juvenille facility by March 31st. She was very hesitant to tell me just how bad it would get because I was
hanging on by a thread daily. However, I can tell you it went from bad to worse until September of '99 when he was sentenced by the
court to a military style bootcamp. He graduated with honors on November 19, 1999.
The only thing I had to hang onto was her words (Aug-Sept of "98) that by December of '99 to January of 2000, he would straighten out.
She was correct. He stayed out of trouble, graduated from high school in January, 2000 and on July 11, 2000 he left for Marine Corp
Bootcamp. (No...I'm not proud at all!) He is now in intelligence. Hooorrrray!
The greatest gift...and it is a gift, that Vm gave me was one, little, simple word. HOPE. I had none. I've lost two men in my family to
drugs, alcohol and crime. I had no reason to believe my son would be any different. What she does, she does with incredible accuracy,
kindness and compassion. I might add, she is hysterically funny, and if you don't get it...she knows!
BTW...there is so much more, but I'll leave this for all to chew on!ne
posted on February 8, 2001 11:23:26 AM new
This is for an AW regular, a Gemini from CA. I will not id you, you can claim your chart if you like.
You have been busy since the day you were born. Constant dynamic stimulation. You create what I would consider an enormous amount of energy.
You desire it, you thrive on it, and you provide it to others.
Here is the rub - well really two rubs.
#1 You may not be aware if this.
You may think that it is happening TO you instead of understanding that you generate it.
You have a major T-square in your chart which translates to say that there is constant tension.
Here is a brief outline..
There is a sophisticated faith party that is your SUN profile is taking place in your 12th house.
(Stuff in the 12th house is never completely conscious - see dcj / Yo Joe, earlier in the thread for more info)
It wants to take leaps of faith and / or sacrifice the self in service.
It is anathema to your 10th house Saturn
It desires to be successful, respected, recognized, and in control in the world at large. Tangible and traditional success.
It is also anathema to an very deep desire for healing and transformation via family.
If you don't have one, you want one - even if this is subconscious and it may be.
Now the thing about these three points is that no one of them is a wimp. Each point is formidable - no one is going to lie down and die for even 24 hours I say --- IOW you have a constant job managing.
Now the upside of this is that you are like a force of nature. A tornado, or whatever, and I do not mean to pick something "destructive" it is just all my feeble mind can grab at the moment.
interlude
Mercury is Rx and I am writing and uh... it ain't easy!
EOI
Okay, so maybe you are the Sun coming up in the morning or the going down or whatever, and the power of something like this is completely incalculable.
Your job then, is to harness all of your energy and create your best life.
Number 1 step is become acquainted with all your elements.
Your love life / money is particularly stressed (and interesting) and I expect this does not surprise you.
I will focus here because if you can untangle this, the rest will bloom for you also and because T Pluto is transiting the configuration right know which means it is time for it to be exposed for the purpose of HEALING.
Hydra to the light, Scalpel time, boil lancing, however you want to view it - it is life changing and life saving, so here goes.
interlude
I am thinking the internet is good because it is true I would never say this to a client sitting across a table from me. I would not have the balls, and believe me people do NOT show up wanting to here *this*, but frankly they get cheated.
Gem CA , you are getting the real deal.
EOI
Venus is in Gemini in the 12th which straight away says that you sacrifice yourself in relationship. You are a dreamer. You like the guy on the white horse, the happily ever after idea - (This is Venus / Neptune exchange which I have written about before).
Love and God are tied in a way.. like the love you experience is not of this world. It is very "Eve" kind of energy... Come hither... Your love "dreams" are so powerful that the potential partner is can be very easily swept up.
interlude..
as a gross example - Women who fall in love with priests INVARIABLY have Venus in Pisces / Venus in the 12 / or Venus aspect Neptune which is all akin to the same thing)
EOI
Okay, so what else??
In love with a married man, a gay man, a priest, and the thing here is that the guy is ungettable because the person is after the FANTASY.
What they do no want to do is wash some guys underwear.
See, the real life thing?
BORRRRRING.
You would rather paint a masterpiece.
Now in your case, this is only the first layer, and it gets thicker.
Much thicker.
Same Venus is square Saturn in the 10th at the exact degree.
Ow!
One on top of the other, now you feel "broken" in some way.
Not good enough, not deserving and this is NO DOUBT due to a horrendous wound from your childhood. Now I strongly suspect that this has cost you dearly - but Gem CA, you have arrived at the age and at the time that this can be healed and now work to your advantage in a quite magical way.
Low expression?
"I suck"
or
"I will deny both myself and others of love because of my fear".
High expression?
"Because I am wise, I am careful and responsible with those I love and those who love me."
Is there more?
Yes.
Same Venus is square Uranus, Pluto, Mars conjunction.
Hooboy! Here we go:
Now we have a desire to liberated and experience FREEDON in relationship via Uranus
Low expression?
Commitment phobic.
High Expression
Loving an individual for who they are - loving your best friend - freedom through commitment
interlude
btw
Freedom and Healing Through Faith and Commitment could be your MANTRA to bring your chart together.
That covers it all and succinctly.
EOI
Via Pluto - there is a need for intensity.
Can be pain or pleasure, Pluto doesn't care - just nothing FLUFFY - thanks in advance.
This is a desire to experience power / loss of power and transformation through love, and the ways this can be accomplished are numerous.
However it manifests, love is extreme, and money and power are intertwined and inseparable.
Via Mars sq Venus - Venus is constantly hotted up. Love is allllllways on the front burner (anathema to Saturn who is trying to do without, thank you very much )
There you have it.
That is your T-square.
The Sun and Jupiter are also involved - it's a big 'un!
As you can well see, you are not plain vanilla lyin' Gemini!
T Pluto is on the whole mess at the moment, forming a Grand Cross (to quote Lutin - "It ain't so grand when you are hung from it." from sag and so like I said, it is time and opportunity to gain insight (Pluto) DEEP psych knowledge (Pluto) about your motivations (PLUTO) that may be subconscious.
A year out --- T Saturn will be along and at this time you will have an opportunity to master yourself in a way never possible before.
IOW - puke it up now and put it to work 6 mos - a year from now.
The result (just over 2 years out) can be spectacular if you want it that way and in whatever case, what you cannot do is coast through this.
posted on February 8, 2001 12:34:40 PM new
This is for onbonustime who does my hair (quite nicely ) and has some questions.
I had told her that she was going to face death and rebirth all around and of all kinds, all levels this year, based on her Solar Return with Pluto rising, plus Sun, Mars, Venus, Mercury and the N node in the 8th house (Pluto).
IOW virtually EVERYTHING in the chart says the same thing, and by the way ALL of those planets are in Cancer - think family, roots, emotional, and so this was a no-brainer.
Now onbonustime, your SR Moon (emotions) is in Gemini which is intellectual and in the 7th house
(nearly the 8th -- you spared by 1 degree here also)
which is an airy house - somewhat detached and this is why you have been able to not completely be overcome by the experiences of this year.
You are also protected (Jupiter) and stabilized (Saturn) by your marriage - read interlude below.
interlude
The exception to the major focus onbonustime is the SATURN JUPITER conjunction on your 7th house cusp (your marriage) which is why I told you re-commit to your marriage would be a good idea, and I think I told you this, but will repeat it... this would be a fab time for an actual ceremony of some sort.
This would be very good for future luck together.
Saturn = commitment, tradition
Jupiter = luck, protection, the future.
Also Jupiter rules the ascendent of your Solar return and so particularly potent, being ruler of the chart. - I would take this deal. This is funny since I have been saying to shred 'em so often, but in your case, I would dig up your marriage certificate and sign it..! Notarize it even...! Get an authority (Saturn) figure in there!
Other way is to go the Jupiter route.. Jupiter is FOREIGN. Go have some guru pronounce you married or something.. Whatever, but I would do something. You are setting up circumstances for 21 years here!
end of interlude.
Okay, on this death...
I do not know if your father is going to die, because that will be up to him.
No doubt, it is strongly possible *considering and if it occurs, then how it affects you will be up to you, but I gotta say that you seem very much primed to avoid devastation and become empowered.
*(the consideration is not just the death / rebirth all around but the legacy, and inheritance issues of the 8th house also)
Now this does not mean that you will not feel sad if he dies.
You may feel sad next year, or even 5 years out (whenever, I would have to look) when the time for these feelings comes (possible example - you have a grandson who looks like your Dad or something like that triggers memories), but this year is different fare. This is how it goes sometimes and that is why people judging other people's behavior at a funeral is so completely bogus.
One way or the other, this year is the year you suffer a complete wipeout.
Not to be afraid (you aren't - by now you are used to the power running through your life, aren't you?)
Here is an example..
The last 2 times I've had an 8th house Solar Return SUN (you have much more in there) I have become pregnant and had a baby.
Both pregnancies were the death of me - my Ego, my Sun.
I am not sure if I ever told you the tale of my first baby, but you have met her and so you know I did not get one like that by walking in the park.
Now this was a gooooood thing, because what was taken from me had outlived it's usefulness and needed to be shed. All this energy was put to better use making my children.
(please note, this was my personal experience of pregnancy and childbirth and not universal)
Well onbonustime - the last baby is almost 2 YO and I am liking how I am coming out of the ashes, you better believe it.
What is happening to you is like Obi Wan -"...you are becoming more powerful than you can possibly imagine."
Okay onbonustime...
End of this Solar Return year (your birthday) you will be showing up naked, but people will not point or snicker.
They will know that they are in the presence of raw power.
Pretense?
You will never need it again.
That's pretty cool, doncha think?
Today, your son respects you. His old self transformed.
Can't beat it with a stick, and btw - don't be surprised if your brother pops up in some shocking way here pretty quick too..
Yep.
posted on February 8, 2001 04:58:19 PM new
I just hung up from talking to VM! She emailed me that I had started my own thread...duh! I was just tickled that I found something that said "message" and would acutally let me type! I must get to the desk more often. Thanks for the help!
posted on February 9, 2001 10:35:06 AM new
It is not everyday that an entity shows up on AW with a wink - quipping that their sexual identity and orientation is a mysterious *ponderment (nod to Maui), and so I cop to being highly fascinated with rocker.
Is he/she realllly odd, or showing us a facade, an interesting veneer, a stage presence? Is this girl/boy jerking my chain?
I was wondering this.
Am I being sold, or am I witnessing a true conundrum? A paradoxical, insoluble, or difficult problem; a dilemma? (compliments dictionary.com)
Now rocker don't get me wrong - if it was a show it was a good one, but ohhh so much more satisfying when there is not only a root, but one that is very truly reaches to the unfathomable depths.
This is what I hoped for.
I have the tasty document and I am not disappointed.
Rocker is the real thang bay-bee.
Rocker is clearly unconventional and so I wondered..
Where is Uranus (planet of weird)?
Is it in the 10th house, ie. weird in public? On the rising i.e. weird "first handshake"?
Uranus (unconventional) is in LEO (be seen) conjunct the Sun in Leo (Ego) in the 8th house (sex).
Hows that go again?
Uranus - unusual, rule breaking, progressive, uninhibited, loves to shock
conjunct the Sun in Leo
Leo - stage, actor, performer, childlike, be SEEN, shiny, creative, exhibitionist
in the 8th house
Sex! All things taboo! Underworld! Psychology, legacies
Put 'em together.
Unusually creative sexuality?
Okay.... so you put the Sun in the 8th house and you have an interest in 8th house things.
Put Uranus in there with it and now you have the breaking of taboo - shocking sex, etc.
It is real.
Rocker - besides the Sun and Uranus, you also have Pluto, Venus, Part of Fortune and your N Node in the 8th - and so it is fair to say that there is an enormous emphasis on 8th house things, and I will take this further.
You Sun profile is what you need to live to feel vitally alive.
Experiment (Uranus) with your sexual (8th house) identity (Sun) but what about Pluto Venus conjunct in Virgo in there too?
This pair comprises another paradox. (rocker - if you have not read, Scorpio, 8th house, Pluto - all the same theme)
See Virgo is a puritan, and Venus wants either comfort (Taurus) or surface beauty (Libra) and so she is degraded in a way by association with Pluto and the 8th house. Think Pluto kidnapping the virgin and taking her to the underworld, or a white dress splattered with ???? and you get the picture.
Because Venus is in the 8th house AND conjunct Pluto, you have a double whammy here and it is even more complex and tasty than that, and I will elaborate, but let me get this one bit clear.
Venus Pluto in whatever form (Venus in Scorpio, Venus sq or conjunct Pluto or Venus in the 8th house) finds love/sex in dark places - looks for extreme love/sex, looks to experience transformation via love and sex, basically it looks under rocks.. No interest whatsoever in light fare. When Venus Pluto scans the room it is looking for pure power and exuding it at the same time (with an energy that is as repulsive as it is compelling).
Oh and rocker btw.. in therapy (an 8th house pursuit) you are doing the same thing. Sex (of the 8th house kind which is PROCREATIVE as opposed to recreational) and psychotherapy is the same thing.
Probing to plant a seed.
Your therapist could just as easy pay you for the high level training. I mean that because it is an EXCHANGE when someone like you comes in the office.
Okay, so I promised more and here it is..
This same 8th house Venus Pluto is sextile Neptune in Scorpio in the 10th house.
The 10th house is your public persona, and if you have been reading then you know that Neptune makes things obscure and nebulous, and in Scorpio (sex/8th house / Pluto again) repeats the theme of what you present here.
Neptune in Scorpio in the 10th --- very easy for people to project on to.
You go in a room and people see and feel what they do and frankly -- you are very hopeless to control this and also very often unable to gauge accurately. Now this is not to say that you cannot play tricks briefly but it is like holding up a curtain and sooner or later it drops and the trick is on you.
I bet that you know what I mean.
Anyway - this public Neptune in Scorpio projects a very alluring sexual aura. People respond against their will even because it permutes them. Neptune (fantasy) + Scorpio (sexuality)
You know this and you love it.
You are good at what you do and this is the way it is.
Now here is the rest..
Same Venus Pluto conjunction is square 5th house Mars in Gemini..
Hmmm.. Gemini. Neither male or female really. LOL goes both ways. Yes/No Boy/Girl.
Rocker - I think that your Mars is a savior to you in many ways and this is unusual.
See, Mars is how you get what you want, and it is very witty (Gemini) and playful (Leo / 5th house) which is non threatening to people. Frankly if your Mars were placed in the 8th house, or in Scorpio I am afraid that you would scare people. Instead you can stick that Mars out there (mars is a probe, mars is male) and it is a chameleon. In Gemini, it is either sex and in the 5th house (Leo) it is an actor and so what you have is a highly changeable weapon that knows inherently what the audience wants. Pretty impressive, I gotta say.
btw.. the 5th house = STAGE and Mars there means you hot it up.
Such a surprise!
I learned something doing your chart.
Here is a story.
My sister is a dancer choreographer and has a 5th house Gemini Mars, same as yours, and she has a very androgynous look. Some years ago she was teaching children dance and they put together a show to tour schools. This was a private group, not school sponsored.
Anyway, she had a couple of very talented kids, one of the a little boy about 10 with several movie credits and a Hollywood Mom.
This kid was a professional. He was clearly heterosexual but it is beside the point - he was a born performer.
Anyway, it was Valentines day coming up so she cross dressed this little boy and this gal and for a number..
So this kid ...
interlude
..the boy had all the presence over the gal in the number, in fact I told my sister he was trying to upstage her in a number she was danced with the kids. Hearing this, next rehearsal, she came on to the stage and pretty much danced on his head. Have to keep his narrow butt in line and all.
(She has an Aries Venus and so art is WAR, right?)
EOI
So this kid comes out start of the number with a purse and the kid was born to vamp. His performance was jaw-dropping, and he was having the absolute time of his life, it was palpable.
I betcha anything he had a Gem Mars in the 5th..
end of story is they did one show - the principal at one school freaked and that was that, but boy was it unforgettable.
Okay, so moving on..
Rocker has a Taurus Moon in the 4th house. Taurus in general, but specifically Taurus MOON invariably has a pleasant voice. Many of them sing, but just their speaking voice is soothing. Rocker, the Moon is your underside and baby you want COMFORT and SECURITY. Now because of who and how you are - I expect you are going to have to try to get it in an unconventional manner but this is not exactly a walk in the park. Taurus likes to keep things SIMPLE and the 8th house prefers things endlessly complex. This is why it has not come easy, but it's coming now.
Now it is possible (likely) that you do your show - your public thing and then come home to a home that is simple and that would work. Where the 8th house is psychologically very sensitive, a 4th house Moon is at the mercy of changing moods which leads to a feeling of being out of control (they are) which leads to a desire to be control your environment. The control thing is repeated via your Capricorn rising (control the body and the impression you give) and Saturn in Cap in the 1st house = same thing squared - but in Cap gives very good ability to do this.
Now, last is Jupiter --- HOOOOBOY, very nicely placed.
Jupiter is in Sagittarius (sign it rules) in the 12th house (house it rules) and trine your Sun Uranus conjunction.
Now one thing this does is expand your unconventional Sun profile, but it also gives TRUE high-mindedness, luck, broad vision, and a generous spirt.
I would characterize this by saying that you have no doubt been the rim of hell and back many many times over to be where you are today - but Rocker...
You are truly unsinkable.
Know this.
No bastards can take you down.
Your transits?
You're going to love this.
You are not coming across exactly inhibited but get this...
More liberation to come. You are not wholly freed. There is more.
You are STILL en route to your future in a very fast manner. Expect the unexpected and expect to land on your feet.
Also - get yourself OUT THERE as much as possible over the next 4 months. WORK HARD. I gotta tell you. I think you are right on the verge of your wildest dream.
Mantra?
FACE YOUR FEAR.
Everything else comes easy enough.
Fear of failure?
Face it.
Fear of Success?
Face it.
You are not a fraud. You are not a facade.
You are ROCKER!!
Chart is very pretty - note the Grand Trine (blue triangle) and the packed 8th house.
posted on February 9, 2001 11:21:49 AM new
Rocker... afterthoughts.
If you use drugs - get off em.
Drugs of all types should be strictly considered to be poison to your well being. Though you may act with determination, but clarity of thought is a premium to you as it is, and you cannot afford to fog it up, or play tricks yourself.
Too much potential, too much power, and also no excuse because it is very clear via your chart that you have a slew of options.
Also beware lying Scorpios.
Now I am not saying that all Scorpios lie (they do but never mind ) but rocker - truly... When you meet a Scorpio they will be either magical or devastating to your life and so take care which is which and who is who.
The criteria to judge is lying.
Get rid of them on the FIRST lie.
No saving of them, no sacrificing of yourself - amputate and don't look back. You see your path of ruin is via deceit. Don't trick people and don't let them trick you (be a willing accomplice) and 95% of your problems are gone. It is NOT as if you can't tell...
Last - on the psych --- it is your 8th house Pluto, mark of a natural psychologist, where that came from, and in Virgo - very healing to the COLLECTIVE.
I have Pluto in Virgo in the 8th and you see I am trying to help Virgo) transform (8th house).
This is what you do also. We have no choice. Virgo serves or suffers.
The people you counsel are very lucky indeed.
posted on February 9, 2001 11:29:27 AM new
WOW WOW WOW WOW!!! HOLY MOLY!!! VeryModern you are my NEW HERO! You are the QUEEN! I am actually speechless right now (When does THAT ever happen? LOL) I have to go read this over and over, I know I have many responses to this but I have to think clearly first. (I just woke up)
Smooooooch!!!
(WOW I am truly blown away, this is just amazing.)
posted on February 9, 2001 11:44:09 AM new
Rocker - take your time to assimilate, and questions are welcome. Working with your chart is a like eating pie to me
You got questions, I got answers.
You wanna know where your key is?
The family lie.
Mother, father, siblings if you got 'em. They are all involved, and so are you of course.
Identify the family lie and then transcend it.
You could do this symbolically on stage even, and it could be a secret too
I hope I haven't lost you with that, but truly I doubt I have.
posted on February 9, 2001 11:51:29 AM newYou could do this symbolically on stage even, and it could be a secret too
I wish to be clearer..
This could be the secret (one sample)that empowers you and replaces the secret that sucks your energy.
Secret transformed.
Transformation?
This is your specialty.
Transform the secret and thrive on it.
there you go.
BTW - Jupiter in the 12th = angel on your shoulder
and that Cap rising...
This is why you look so young.
You've already done been OLD when you were 12 YO!
Read Cap rising, back further in the thread some day.
Leo deplores aging, and so you see your good fortune. NO ONE ages better than Cap rising.
posted on February 9, 2001 01:38:00 PM newVM California Gemini here, Thank you so much for doing my chart. It is so kind of you to take the considerable time, I imagine, to do this for me and so many others!!
I have read and reread your interpetation a few times, and probably will have to a few more times to completly understand it.
Your job then, is to harness all of your energy and create your best life how to begin, I wonder?
Your love life/ (what love life ) money is particularly stressed (and interesting) and I expect this does not surprise you. understatement
I will focus here because if you can untangle this, the rest will bloom for you also In love with a married man, a gay man, a priest, and the thing here is that the guy is ungettable because the person is after the FANTASY. Now this is scary! How about one married bishop AND one gay man?
[i]What they do no want to do is wash some guys underwear.
See, the real life thing?
BORRRRRING.[/i] Yes, yes, yes! I have ended relationships over burping and passing gas! Real life sometimes grosses me out, I don't think people should be that comfortable with me that they feel okay to just "let loose".
[i]now you feel "broken" in some way.
Not good enough, not deserving and this is NO DOUBT due to a horrendous wound from your childhood[/i] this one I don't know about. I don't recall anything very bad.
I really enjoy this kind of insight!
Another question, is it true that astrology can tell you physical characteristics about people like body types etc...? Just curious.
posted on February 9, 2001 02:31:40 PM new
Hiya cmbtboots - thanks for posting.
Astrology does show body type to an extent but I am not good at that because I am too focused on energy. I either thought to write it or wrote it earlier in this thread about having a terrific problem recalling if someone wore glasses or anything else other people may notice because very frankly I don't care. I forgot my own husband had a beard. Who cares? Someone's appearance is just of no consequence to me and the point is that due to this, peoples physical body has not been part of my 30 years of study and so I dunno except for what I have read and I skim things I am not interested in
In your specific case, I would be loathe to guess because you have a 0 degree Cancer rising, (body) which means if you birth time it is off by 2 minutes, you have a Gemini risng. I actually thought to ask you about this... and the question would be, if you have large breasts, womanly - Cancer. If you have a wiry body - Gemini.
On the Venus Neptune God thing, I have the square myself and so can offer some insight. First thing you have to do is determine if you even want to be in a relationship. You may prefer to love "God" or to fantasize love. If this is the case, then forgive yourself and dream on. What I mean is that you really really really may not want an earthly love and this is your business.
Now if you want a tangible relationship, you have a formidable task ahead of you.
I am putting it to you this way for a deliberate reason.
See the problem here is that you believe the dream man myth and so you are waiting and waiting and waiting and of course it is a MYTH and so if you want a REAL relationship you are going to have to operate (work) in the real world where men fart No savior is coming, this is the sad news and if you are like me, you will have to be told this several hundred times before considering beleiving it.
So ask yourself again.
Understanding that they ALL fart and yours will too, do you want a man?
If yes, well you have already started. See, you are wanting to identify the problem and this is happening now. From here you think about it.
Toss some of this around.
Q - Why pick a gay man / married man?
Answer?
Because you do not want to commit?
Because you don't reallllly want a man in your life?
Because it will be painful?
Because it is doomed and you feel this is all you deserve?
One of those?
All of those?
No shame here cmbtboots and no criticism or judgement either. This is pure information.
interlude
My husband recently put it to me in this way..
He said that standing in front of me was like standing in front a mirror and being able to see a true reflection. He said that you see things you would prefer not to, but also things you have never seen before.
This is what is going on, and the mirror is a mirror and not equipped to do anything but reflect! There is no "not okay".
end of interlude
So, peace is a good thing, and if you choose to be alone then it would be nice to be at peace with it, and this is your life.
I'll tell you something..
Your Venus is GEMINI and Gemini is a thinker. Venus in Gemini in the 12th = fantasy idea of love!
Also 2 loves.. Toss that around and also consider that Venus also signifies art.
Okay, so this real life farting man...
If you bring one home, then you must forgive his humanness. This is the bottom line. You have to channel your tendencies to weave fantasy - away from your relationship because no man will even fill this cup.
That bishop farts, I promise you that this is the case, but when you are thinking about him he is transformed into a gas-less God on earth and off you go doing your magic which very sadly becomes destructive to you in this form.
A strong motivation to give this up is that it is doomed.
Each and every time there is no other possible outcome and I KNOW how much it hurts when the Neptune veil drops and you fins out that your beloved is a creep.
To stop if, you have to take responsibility for your part in the dance. You trick yourself. Not that you do not attract deceitful partners, because you do - BUT they cannot run their game without your permission.
I am glancing at your chart and see N Neptune in the 5th (dating and fun sex) which exasperates this problem. I am not trying to depress you - I am trying to both validate you and also penetrate the fog.
What fog?
The fog that thinks that their is heaven on earth in the form of a man!
You asked something else I think, and I will go back and think. This just came fast and so I spit it out.
Thanks for posting, these are excellent questions, and I hope the answers help you.
posted on February 9, 2001 03:07:11 PM newYour job then, is to harness all of your energy and create your best life how to begin, I wonder?
Okay this is a big one.
cmbtboots - you have everything you need to make the life you want, we all do, so I suppose you have to figure out what you want.
Here are some of your tools - and some of this may seem remote to you, at this time, but it is real.
Obviously you are a BIG DREAMER.
Pick one.
You have big highminded ideas and I think in your case, that you would be wise to choose something that serves others. Now this does not mean that you cannot profit, because you must and you cannot delude yourself about this. What I am saying is some idea where you win and everyone else loses must be discarded like pollution.
Okay... you have natural business ability. This part of you freaks when you paint your masterpieces in the love thing and so the idea needs to fly by you shrewd biz sense.
See, you have to come to agreement. You have to consolidate.
back to astrology..
T JUPITER has just come into Gemini and Saturn is in late Taurus and will enter Gemini soon.
T Jupiter will let you glimpse your future - show you the possibilities, give you a big idea, broad vision and hope.
Saturn will follow and then it will be time to manifest in reality.
So..
This involves nearly your entire chart.
Lets see..
Saturn, Sun, Jupiter, Venus, Mars, Pluto, Uranus all in mutable signs, and all impacted by these transits.
Mark my words.
Inspiration followed by perspiration, result in 2 years when Saturn leaves Gemini and crosses into your 1st house (over you ascendent at 0 Cancer) and at which time you will begin to build your entire life on something very stable and secure. The work you do in the next two years will pay you for 28 years - I promise it.
Now cmbtboots post Jupiter, look for your life to slow down to a crawl.
Saturn delivers a concentrated experience.
You will also learn about your wound during this time frame and this will not be a pleasant process (understatement) but it will be a productive beyond belief and necessary two years. iow you can't get *there* without going through *this*.
What will help is to keep a perspective, an awareness that things are always moving because of course they are. You will soon find yourself staring up the side of a huge mountain, but you have an angel on your shoulder, an ability to work hard and I think you will find it tolerable if you tap into the part of you that loves and adventure / a journey. It is true, this will be a trek on foot, but worth every step you take in 2 yrs time.
posted on February 9, 2001 03:26:08 PM new
You are good! Large breasts, always quite self conscious when younger. Almost did a layout with Penthouse, if that gives you an idea of size. I backed out because I was mortified at the thought of classmates and professors knowing what I looked like naked.
Once again, you are good. Up until my son was born I don't think I have not been in a long term relationship since age 20. Even then I had a hard time being around people very long, like living together. In my early 20's I was married for maybe ten minutes and for most of the marriage, at least the good part, I kept a separate apartment. It is okay to have company, as long as you know at some point they are going to go home. I have always been a hermit type, preferring my own company to other people's. Defying the social butterfly Gemini stereotype. I think I always felt that it seemed weird wanting to spend so much time alone.
I think you are right on with the "idealized" love thing. When I got married, I thought I was going to have a marriage like my parents. I never once heard them fight and they are still together, although I sometimes wonder what they have in common.
As to the men thing, why pick them? Perhaps it is the challenge thing, I don't know. Do know that the married guy thing is not normally my M.O. I knew it was a huge mistake immediately after it happened. I am a big believer in Karma.And I try to live my live doing my best to help whenever possible and never hurting others. I felt bad about the wife and really felt the guy was a huge hypocrite because he was always spouting off about God and religion and family etc...
I will finish this when I process the rest of your reply.
posted on February 9, 2001 03:44:12 PM new
cmbtboots - the challenge thing is via your Moon in Aries.
I did not even go there, because all the mutable stuff in your chart is what is fired up and center stage. (this also explains your screen name - God of war)
All of your Gemini is in the 12th house and so this is why more sensitive than social. Chatty though. Very chatty.
If you have been reading the thread, everything I have written about the 12th house applies in some form to you.
On your parents marriage - I hate to suggest this, but your idea of their love and relationship is very likely another myth
The commitment problems are via natal Uranus sq Venus which I have also talked about... answer to that one is the "freedom thorough commitment" idea but it is true cmbtboots that it is not that simple in your case.
However..
Gemini is mentally adept and your have Uranus/Pluto/Mars conjunct in Virgo and all I can say about that monster is that it can do anything it damn well wants to. You want to untie the knot and get to the bottom of this, you can.
oh yeah...
hypocrite yes!
and last... you are not exactly a Gemini.
See, your sun is conjunct Jupiter and so you are an honorary Sagittarius - the sign that opposes Gemini!
Further it is all the 12th house and so PISCES.
Bottom line here is that you are a very spiritual person, full of faith but both reality and the "dark side" keep slappin' you down. This is because your dream is a dream. You must make the dream REAL and embrace the shadow also in order to win here.
There is no other way, and I keep saying this not to make you feel bad but to fight your tendency to "diffuse"...
It is true that real life sucks, but it is not without it's rewards
posted on February 9, 2001 03:50:43 PM new
.. and you also sacrificed yourself to him.
Your Aries is pissed off about this, but what does your T-square think?
Hmmm..
Uranus your independent streak wants nothing to do with you - wants to detach, and divorce you.
Your Saturn is chastising you - "BAD GIRL!"
Pluto will kill you if you ever do it again and Mars has the knife!
Get the picture?
Quite a cast of characters here cmbtboots.
Best get that fine mind of yours on the case.
posted on February 9, 2001 05:16:35 PM newto fight your tendency to "diffuse"... what does this mean?
About the parents thing, you are right on. I know they love each other very much, but fo the live of me I do not see what they have in common other than children.
Mom: chatty, involved, inactive.
Dad: very intellectual, quiet, intimidating.
They almost seem like polar opposites personality-wise.
you have everything you need to make the life you want,so I suppose you have to figure out what you want.
I guess it is bad, but at 35 I still don't know what I want to do when I grow up.
posted on February 9, 2001 05:29:46 PM new
oh yeah -- cmbtboots..
You haven't fallen in love with a guy in prison yet have you?
If not - DON'T!
This is another manifestation.
See how the Bishop and the guy in jail are the same?
I know you can - you own the same glasses I do.
The rest of you never mind
posted on February 9, 2001 05:36:28 PM new
"diffuse" - as is take something "solid" and turn to fine mist, very difficult to gather.
Like with some of these men...
You have the facts, a body of evidence because you are intelligent but you "diffuse" it because the dream you are living is so addictive.
Consider love like a drug. Fine, it is heroin, but you have to come down, don't you?
posted on February 9, 2001 05:53:44 PM new
VeryModern - Where do I start?? LOL! Well first of all, THANK YOU for putting so much time and (GOOD) energy into this!! I can tell you love what you do, you are so good at it!
Rocker is the real thang bay-bee. Thank you! I can say there really is not a dishonest or phony bone in my body. If anything, it is my extreme honesty that tends to get me into trouble. However, the flirty side IS for fun & show. Sorry to tell ya, but, truth be known, but I am all TAWK and no action. LOL!! So this does not surprise me:
[i] You are not coming across exactly inhibited but get this...
More liberation to come. You are not wholly freed. There is more. [/i]
I am uninhibited in my performances (gigs), at parties, in public, etc. However, with regards to the love/sex area, I am not likely to get intimate, for reasons which I believe are both healthy (don't want to block a potential true soulmate by blocking the path with meaningless relationships/sex/B.S.) AND unhealthy (a real fear of intimacy which I have been working on for years and see no end in sight. LOL!) My last relationship only lasted 4 months. I broke it off last August. She was a SCORPIO!!! ROF LMAO! The WORST relationship I was ever involved in in my whole life, was with another Scorpio. My relationship problem is that although I am very good now at leaving when it is time to leave, I am still not picking the best people for myself to begin with. And so I stay alone. It is a FAR better option than being with the "wrong" person.
[i] you have no doubt been the rim of hell and back many many times over to be where you are today - but Rocker...
You are truly unsinkable.
Know this.
No bastards can take you down. [/i]
How right you are, VM. Let me try to sum this up:
Childhood: Severe emotional and physical abuse - VIOLENT family. Ran away from home when I was 16. Came back 3 months later cos I was unable to make it on my own yet. (Big shock.) Left for good at age 19. ALWAYS followed my music career dreams no matter what oppositions I faced... which were pretty overwhelming at times.. being a "female" in the rock field that is dominated by males, I was tortured more than I can explain but this did not stop me. Age 35: Was on tour as lead guitarist for one of my favorite artists. Broke my back MYSTERIOUSLY - surgeons could not figure out what happened, could be too many years of hauling heavy musical equipment around...?? Next: Spine reconstruction surgery (my lower spine is now made of steel), morphine allergy, almost 24 hours of suffocating on the verge of death in anaphylactic shock. Led to post traumatic stress disorder and Major Depression. "Wife" of 4 years left. I was disabled, lost my wife, the apartment, the cats, my livelihood, and all will to live. Social Security Disability rejected me - they said I could "get a job" with my kind of background. In a back brace and barely walking again with a cane, I did not have one dime coming in. Back into the hospital. Long story short: I lived to tell this. Got my cats and apartment back. I was forced to go back to work prematurely, but did survive. Verymodern, I truly am unsinkable. And by the way, you would never know to look at me that I have a "heavy metal" spine. And yes I do look very young. I am 40 now, but people usually flip when they find out. They usually guess around 10 years younger. I have healed very well and thank the gods and goddesses I am able to walk/run/jump/play guitar/have my life back again. Yes I have been to hell... AND BACK.
I think you are right on the verge of your wildest dream. Ooohh man I certainly hope so.
[i] Mantra?
FACE YOUR FEAR.
Everything else comes easy enough. [/i]
(My therapist talks about this too) :
[i] Fear of failure?
Face it.
Fear of Success?
Face it.
You are not a fraud. You are not a facade.
You are ROCKER!! [/i]
Thank you VM this means more to me than you know. Something went awry for a while, perhaps it was because when I was truly happy and on tour, I knew how it felt to have everything - and to then LOSE it. It took me about 2 years after the surgery to get back into music full time again. My career has been inconsistent (although that is true of most musicians, it is the nature of the beast), but I feel there is something still dragging on me, not allowing me to pursue it to my full potential as I used to. I am hearing you, and I am determined to work this through.
[i] If you use drugs - get off em.
Drugs of all types should be strictly considered to be poison to your well being. [/i]
Again VM, right on the nose. I was another drug & alcohol dependent rocker in the 70s and 80s. It absolutely WAS poison to my well being. I have been clean and sober for 15 years now.
The family lie.
Verymodern you are really blowing me away because this is the kind of thing I am working on as we speak. It did come as a shock to me at age 26 to "learn" I'd been abused. (To anyone who doesn't know what I mean, it's because when you grow up in that kind of household, you don't realize it is abuse, because it is "normal everyday behavior" to you.) But now that I am 40, have worked through SOOOO much of this crap, and yet I'm still stuck somewhere, and still having terrible nightmares about "the family" (which my therapist and I are trying to decipher), there certainly must be a piece missing somewhere I haven't clicked on yet. Hmmm "transform the secret and thrive on it"? I have to dig deeper here. I need to find it so I can work it!!
The sexuality and gender info is ESPECIALLY amusing to me! Yes, we know I am BIG on not buying into sociey's gender roles. Shock value? Well yes, that's always great fun!!! But actually, the bigger picture for me is the struggle with the limits our culture puts on us strictly because of our gender. I simply cannot "check the box next to female". Or "male" for that matter. It is always a challenge, that's for sure, so I try to have fun with it. Ya know... "I laugh because I will cry if I don't." But that leads me to the idea of another thread I think I'm going to start stay tuned.
Thank you again VeryModern!!!!! I am not done with this by any means. I will be back with more comments/questions, no doubt!! But now I have more food for thought.. WOW WOW WOW!!! Also I'm going to try to catch up with reading the rest of this thread I didn't get to yet. SOOOO FASCINATING!! VeryModern, YOU RULE!!! (This is high praise!!!) Smooooch!!!
posted on February 9, 2001 06:35:46 PM new
Thanks for posting Rocker - I will assimilate what you wrote too but have a few comments now.
The structure of your body, your bones is ruled by Saturn / Capricorn, you have a Capricorn body. My sister I mentioned who I note that you share qualities with (she is a Cap rising too) also suffered a broken back and was also forced to remove the brace before her back was completely healed and yet she dances today. It is the nature of Capricorn to suffer hardship and not come to their full potential until later in life. At that time, the way it is said is that post 35 they "rise to the top like cream".
For the Capricorn body alllllways get enough calcium (Saturn on the rise is hard on the bones and teeth) and stretch to keep flexibility because Saturn has a tendency towards rigid. You also live a long damned time, so another reason to take care of your body.
The last just an observation..
It is also due your Capricorn that you are able to play so close to the edge of peoples discomfort zone and still be respected and taken seriously.
I mention this to make you aware of what you are walking around with.
CREDIBILITY.
What a feat this is considering your message and the way society in general feels about it, and on top of that what you got when you were a kid.
Sexual aura aside, never loose sight of the fact that when you walk in the room, you are IN IT and not dismissable.
You have command, and I think you are closer than you know to what you want, you are just used to being hapless in some way.
Look around Rocker.
It ain't so no mo.
Also - Capricorn is integrity walking, so heads up. This time in your life you are a potent class act. Nothing less.
You are excellent and people can see this - you are the only one confused
On the love life YOU are right!
T Saturn (teacher planet) will square your Venus Pluto in May - by then you will have had a chance to gather the little bit more that you need. Look for an authority figure - older person (usually a man) or Capricorn or judge, serious etc. (a Saturn figure) who comes into your life and hands you a bit of info, or makes a comment. Listen, learn and you are on your way.
At the moment, and in advance is Jupiter (see cmbtboots above) giving you a peek at your future.
Bat clean up and then aim high.
Nothing that you want to do is out of your reach. NOTHING.
posted on February 10, 2001 03:35:25 AM new
VeryModern - It is nearly 6:30 a.m. here in New York and I am still up... know why? Cos I have been reading this thread!! Can't get enough!! I am only on page six and have lots more to go! (Well for a little while I got sidetracked at a party on another thread... I am sure this does not surprise you.) Your sense of humor CRACKS ME UP!!!
A couple more things came to mind...(I'm sure there will be many more!)...
About the love life thing, suggesting someone older: That is what I would prefer. And I wouldn't prefer another rocker or artist... LOL! Someone more um... "grown up" would be good. But - it will most likely not be a man. No offense to men, I just have not fallen for one so far. I never say "never". It is just highly unlikely for me. I may not know which gender I am, but I know which gender I am attracted to. LOL! But I don't see any relationship happening anytime soon anyway. Highly unlikely. This dissapoints me, but it's for the better I'm sure, as I am painfully aware that I still have a lot of work to do on myself before I am capable of sharing my life with another person.
I forgot to mention how LYING is my #1 pet peeve! But you knew this. Yes, I have X'd people out of my life on the first lie. My Dad had this thing he used to say... this is so true: "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me." A very good point. Well I will stop for now because it is late and I am delerious. I will stop back at the party thread and say goodnight and check back here tomorrow.
Your Fan, Rocker
from sag and so like I said, it is time and opportunity to gain insight (Pluto) DEEP psych knowledge (Pluto) about your motivations (PLUTO) that may be subconscious.
HOLY MOLY!!! VeryModern you are my NEW HERO! You are the QUEEN! I am actually speechless right now (When does THAT ever happen? LOL) I have to go read this over and over, I know I have many responses to this but I have to think clearly first. (I just woke up) 
Rocker
Yes, we know I am BIG on not buying into sociey's gender roles. Shock value? Well yes, that's always great fun!!!