posted on March 8, 2006 08:22:52 AM new
Know it isnt til Friday but I'm starting early...with the jokes.
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"Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose woman."
The priest asks, "Is that you, little Timmy Shaughnessy?"
"Yes, Father, it is."
"And, who was the woman you were with?"
"I can't be tellin' you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation."
"Well, Timmy, I'm sure to find out sooner or later, so you may as well tell me now. Was it Brenda O'Malley?"
"I cannot say."
"Was it Patricia Kelly?"
"I'll never tell."
"Was it Sheilah O'Brien?"
"I'm sorry, but I cannot name her."
"Was it Kathleen Morgan?"
"My lips are sealed."
"Was it Fiona Grogan, then?"
"Please, Father, I cannot tell you"
The priest sighs in frustration. "You're a steadfast lad, Timmy Shaughnessy, and I admire that. But you've sinned, and you must atone. You cannot attend church mass for three months. Be off with you now."
Timmy walks back to his pew. His friend Sean slides over and whispers, "What'd you get?"
"Three month's vacation and five good leads!"
HAPPY ST. PATRICKS DAY TO YA
"“More Iraqis think things are going well in Iraq than Americans do. I guess they don’t get the New York Times over there.”—Jay Leno".
posted on March 8, 2006 11:58:48 AM new
During a big Irish family reunion an old Grandfather named John Barleycorn was drinking hard and fell dead to the ground.
When a Doctor checked old John out he told the gathering that old John had died from drink.
Someone yelled no Doctor your wrong, Johnny didn't die from drink he died from thirst.
Many an Irish story has been told about old John Barleycorn.
Bear,may the wind always be at your back so you don't find yourself all wet trying to piss against the wind.
Jesus,Joseph and Mary bless and protect us its a conservative were seeing.
posted on March 17, 2006 06:25:43 AM new
At a world brewing convention, the CEOs of various brewing organizations retired to the bar at the end of each day's conference.
Bruce, CEO of Fosters, shouted to the Barman: "In 'Strylya, we make the best bladdy beer in the world, so pour me a bladdy Fosters, mate."
Bob, CEO of Budweiser, calls out next: "In the States, we brew the finest beers of the world, and I make the king of them all, gimme a
Bud."
Hans steps up next: "In Germany ve invented das beer, ferdamt. Give me ein Becks, ya ist der real King of beers, danke."
Paddy, CEO of Guinness, steps forward: "Barman, would ya give me a diet coke with ice and lemon. Tanks."
All, including the bartender, stare at him in stupified silence with mouths hanging open! Eventually Bruce squeaks out: "Are you not going to have a Guinness, Pat?"
Paddy simply replies: "Well, if you fookin' pansies ain't drinkin', then neither am I."
Happy Saint Paddy's Day, all!
"“More Iraqis think things are going well in Iraq than Americans do. I guess they don’t get the New York Times over there.”—Jay Leno".
[ edited by NearTheSea on Mar 17, 2006 01:29 PM ]