posted on March 5, 2006 05:40:55 AM new
Superman was bored fighting crime everyday. So, one Friday night he decided to go out on the town to have some fun. He drops by Batman's house. "Hey Batman", he says "Wanna go out tonight?" "No, I can't, the batmobile is broken & I gotta stay home & fix it, or else I won't be able to fight crime."
"You loser," says Superman, & he flies away.
He decides to stop by Spiderman's house. "Hey, Spidey, how about hitting the town tonight, you & me," he says. "I'd love to, but I can't," replies Spiderman. "My web is broken & I gotta fix it to fight crime."
Superman all disgusted, says "You loser. Stay at home on a Friday night & fix your bloody web."
So he flies away. While flying from up above, he spots Wonder Woman stark naked & lying down on her back spread-eagle. Superman thinks, "Hey, I am Superman, I can fly down there at the speed of light, have a quickie & back out. She won't even feel it." Superman flies down, does a quick in-out-in-out & flies off at the speed of light.
"What the hell was that?" said Wonder Woman.
"I don't know" said The Invisible Man, "but it hurt like hell."
posted on March 5, 2006 11:59:44 AM new
Jake was dying. His wife, Becky, was maintaining a candlelight vigil by his side. She held his fragile hand, tears running down her face. Her praying roused him from his slumber; he looked up and his pale lips began to move slightly.
''Becky, my darling,'' he whispered.
''Hush my love,'' she said. "Rest, don't talk."
He was insistent. "Becky," he said in his tired voice, "I have something that I must confess."
"There's nothing to confess,'' replied the weeping Becky, "Everything's all right, go to sleep."
''No, no. I must die in peace, Becky. I ... I slept with your sister, your best friend, her best friend, and your mother!
''I know sweetheart,'' whispered Becky. "Let the poison work."
(I can see Maggie in place of Becky here)
"“More Iraqis think things are going well in Iraq than Americans do. I guess they don’t get the New York Times over there.”—Jay Leno".
posted on March 6, 2006 07:09:53 AM new
One day a fourth-grade teacher asked the children what their fathers did for a living. All the typical answers came up -- fireman, mechanic, businessman, salesman, doctor, lawyer, and so forth.
But little Justin was being uncharacteristically quiet, so when the teacher prodded him about his father, he replied: "My father's an exotic
dancer in a gay cabaret and takes off all his clothes in front of other men and they put money in his underwear. Sometimes, if the offer is really good, he will go home with some guy and have sex with him for money."
The teacher, obviously shaken by this statement, hurriedly set the other children to work on some exercises and then took little Justin aside to
ask him, "Is that really true about your father?"
"No," the boy said, "He works for the Democratic National Committee and is helping to secure the nomination of Hillary Clinton, but I was too
embarrassed to say that in front of the other kids."
"“More Iraqis think things are going well in Iraq than Americans do. I guess they don’t get the New York Times over there.”—Jay Leno".
posted on March 6, 2006 08:21:14 PM new
Miss Beatrice, the church organist, was in her eighties and had never been
married. She was admired for her sweetness and kindness to all. One
afternoon the pastor came to call on her and she showed him into her
quaint sitting room. She invited him to have a seat while she prepared
tea.
As he sat facing her old Hammond organ, the young minister noticed a
cut-glass bowl sitting on top of it. The bowl was filled with water, and
in the water floated, of all things, a condom! When she returned with tea
and scones, they began to chat.
The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its
strange floater, but soon it got the best of him and he could no longer
resist. "Miss Beatrice", he said, "I wonder if you would tell me about
this?" pointing to the bowl.
"Oh, yes," she replied, "Isn't it wonderful? I was walking through the
Park a few months ago and I found this little package on the ground. The
directions said to place it on the organ, keep it wet and that it would
prevent the spread of disease. Do you know I haven't had the flu all
winter."
posted on March 6, 2006 08:31:48 PM new
Edge Designs is a company run by all women -- they design office interiors.
They recently had an opportunity to do a project in NYC where the client offered the women of this company a "free hand" in all design aspects. The client was also a company that was run by all female execs.
The result...........well.......we all know that men never talk....never look at each other....and never laugh much in the restroom....The men's room is a serious and quiet place............But now, with the addition of one mural on the wall......let's just say the men's restroom is a place of smiles and laughter......
